Lots of kids have messy rooms. They’re typically too busy focusing on other activities to be bothered to tidy up very often. But disorganization and a messy room can be a sign of depression, and clutter can also cause stress and anxiety in teens.
It can start in small ways. Usually, people have their routines, and things are going fine, but then something can throw a person off balance. It may start with just not picking everything up or falling out of step with a routine they had before.
But it can have a domino effect, depending on other factors too. For instance, an ineffective response or reaction like anger from a parent can worsen the situation. If a parent is hounding their kid to clean their room, that could also add to the stress and make it worse because it may start to feel even more overwhelming than it is, especially if they’re experiencing depression.
Craig Simpson, clinical director at Sunrise, a residential treatment center in Utah for girls ages 13-17, pointed out “If every interaction becomes about the room, that can start to deteriorate the relationship, and then that just compounds the issue more as well.”
As rooms start to deteriorate, it can increase stress. The reason for the neglect can be subtle, but big things can also cause it.
Table of contents
- How To Tell the Difference Between a Messy Room and Depression
- How To Help Kids Feel Calm and Peaceful in Their Spaces
- Tips To Help Your Kid Keep a Cleaner Room
- When To Step In and Help Clean
How To Tell the Difference Between a Messy Room and Depression
If you’re concerned, look at all the areas of your child’s life. Changes in their performance at school, adherence to routines and schedules, connections with their usual friends, participation in regular activities, connection to family, sleep patterns, and appetite can all be signs of anxiety or depression in teens.
If the disorganization in their room is a manifestation of anxiety and depression, the effects may also show up in your child’s hygiene or appearance. It’s a significant indicator that a larger issue may be at play if there are more and more places where things are starting to fall apart.
If you suspect your child may have depression, look for:
- Slipping grades.
- Fatigue and sleep problems.
- Neglecting hygiene routines.
- Loss of interest in or enjoyment of typical activities.
- Avoiding their usual friends.
- Substance abuse.
- Uncontrollable emotions.
- Trouble concentrating or making decisions.
- Changes in appetite and/or weight.
- Prolonged feelings of sadness or hopelessness.
- A sudden change from the cleanliness of a room and personal space to messy.
Simpson warned, “It’s difficult in teenagers because all of that is normal to a degree. They’re trying to figure all of this out, and they’re going through changes.”
If the root of a messy room is a more significant issue like depression, it’ll likely start to infiltrate into other areas. Multiple changes in behavior and emotions are a clear indicator you should start talking with your teen.
When talking to them, it’s essential to come from a place of support, openness, and acceptance. Make statements or queries like “I’ve noticed this lately” or “How can I help with this?” to get them talking about what they’re going through.
How To Help Kids Feel Calm and Peaceful in Their Spaces
The most important thing to do is have discussions about how your child is feeling in their space and agree on the purpose of their bedroom. You know your teenager and what will work for them, but it’s critical to be intentional with that room. Its primary purpose is for sleep, but you’ll also need to consider the other activities.
Ask yourself if your child’s environment is set up to be conducive for all that.
Simpson explained, “If they have a TV, a computer, and a fish tank in their room, you’ve just created a space that’s not meant for sleep alone. Now it’s meant for entertainment, fun, and stimuli.”
If your teen seems to retreat to their room because they want their independence, it’s important to set family limits and rules, such as no TVs in bedrooms or no computers in the room overnight. As parents, we can still put that protection in place for them while giving them the freedom to design and make their room their own within those boundaries.
Tips To Help Your Kid Keep a Cleaner Room
Develop regular routines and habits
“It starts with those regular routines and habits, and the earlier you start and put them in place, the easier it is,” Simpson said.
It’s easier to get back into an established practice rather than trying to start from scratch. In getting a child into a routine, tidying up can become a part of that, such as picking up clothes as part of a bedtime routine or making a bed part of a morning routine.
Let your teen know you appreciate their clean room
In their younger years and teen years, it’s important to reinforce those habits with appreciation and praise.
“As parents, we get quiet when we’re happy and things are going well,” Simpson explained.
Let your child know you appreciate how clean their room is that week. Adding privileges or doing something special for them when they keep their room tidy can help incentivize this behavior.
“Then the room doesn’t need to become a battleground,” Simpson said, “but certainly don’t die on that hill either.”
Watch your teen’s motivation and mood
You also should be watchful of your child’s level of motivation and how that ties to their mood.
“We can get stuck in what’s called mood-dependent behavior, and teenagers are especially susceptible to it because of development and where they’re at,” Simpson explained. He added, “They’re in pain, they’re experiencing increased emotions, they’re moodier, they have changing emotions, and their social interactions are getting more complex.”
Helping your child form good habits as early as possible ensures that it’s not just their mood that determines what they do. If you start to hear that they don’t feel like it right now or they’re not in the mood to do it, those are warning signs of mood-dependent behavior, which can escalate to other areas and can lead to worse behaviors over time.
When To Step In and Help Clean
Suppose your child is experiencing extreme depression or anxiety, and they’re feeling overwhelmed about the clutter in their room. In that case, you may need to help them clean their space in addition to addressing their depression or anxiety. Set aside some time to connect and talk about things, and make time to help them get organized, potentially starting with small areas at a time.
But most importantly, once you’ve determined your child needs help with treating depression or anxiety, start the process of finding the correct type of care and support for them.
Embark is the most trusted name in teen and young adult mental health treatment. We’re driven to find the help your family needs. If you’re looking for support, contact us today!