Summer Self-Care: How to Boost Your Teen’s Mental Health

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Join Jake Sparks, Treatment Director of Embark Behavioral Health, as he shares advice for the whole family on boosting your mental health during summer break. Discover practical strategies for maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, managing screen time, and tackling boredom. Jake also shares research on how screen time impacts your brain, why boredom can be disruptive to your emotional well-being, and what strategies you can use to manage them. 

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About Jake 

Jake Sparks is a Marriage and Family Therapist who has spent the last decade working with often suicidal adolescents and their parents in their journey toward health and healing. During this time, Jake has been a clinician and Clinical Director of several adolescent programs, and is currently the Treatment Director at Embark BH, where he gets to work with some of the nation’s best and brightest clinicians. Jake’s approach to therapy is centered on the role of relationship and attachment in the context of families. He believes that when authenticity and vulnerability are met with acceptance and empathy people thrive! 

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Have a question for our experts? We want to hear from you! Submit your questions to: [email protected].

About Embark Behavioral Health

Embark has been helping people overcome behavioral health issues that may be affecting their everyday lives for over 25 years.   

Conditions We Treat Include:  

The Embark team has some of the most compassionate and educated professionals in the industry. Its core purpose is to create joy and heal generations. Embark’s big hairy audacious goal is to lead the way in driving teen and young adult anxiety, depression, and suicide from the all-time highs of today to all-time lows by 2028. Exceptional treatment options, like short-term residential care, makes Embark the world’s most respected family behavioral health provider.   

Check out our locations.

Transcript
Jake Sparks:

So we do something that we like I eat a cake, I

Jake Sparks:

watch a favorite video, I do something fun, I get this rush

Jake Sparks:

of dopamine, I spike, I feel awesome. But what happens is

Jake Sparks:

what goes up must come down. So then our dopamine crashes, and

Jake Sparks:

it doesn't crash back down to normal, it goes below normal.

Jake Sparks:

Welcome everyone to Roadmap to Joy. I'm Jake sparks, the Embark

Jake Sparks:

treatment director and I am excited to be here today I am a

Jake Sparks:

marriage and family therapist with over 15 years of experience

Jake Sparks:

working with adolescents and their parents. And I'd love to

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go over some questions specifically related to mental

Jake Sparks:

health, and summertime. So we think of summer time as this

Jake Sparks:

really lovely enjoyable time schools Out Stress Free, Let's

Jake Sparks:

go party. But we know a lot of families actually struggle a lot

Jake Sparks:

more and a lot of our adolescents actually increase

Jake Sparks:

their symptomology around areas of mental health. So one of the

Jake Sparks:

things I'd love to frame this discussion, I would actually

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like to focus on mental health versus mental illness. And the

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reason is what we're talking about today really impacts

Jake Sparks:

everyone and impacts all of our adolescence. So as we go

Jake Sparks:

through, what are some of the barriers? What are some of the

Jake Sparks:

ways that you can protect yourself or your teens in your

Jake Sparks:

house, I want you to think about ways that we can minimize,

Jake Sparks:

minimize risk. So there's an inherent in life, there's always

Jake Sparks:

risk. But hopefully, you'll have some tools and resources to

Jake Sparks:

minimize the disruption or the risk of disruption that having

Jake Sparks:

school out for three or four months in the summer time

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causes. So we're going to talk about mental health as it

Jake Sparks:

relates to summer, I'm going to answer some questions. And then

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I have three big points that are always there. But we really need

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to tackle and understand these three big related issues related

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to mental health. So first question is, is it common for

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teens or kids to struggle with their mental health during the

Jake Sparks:

summer? And the answer is, yes, that is common. It's also common

Jake Sparks:

for kids to struggle when it's not summer. Every fall, we talk

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we say where it's back to school, more stress, more

Jake Sparks:

anxiety, mental health issues are going to increase. And

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that's true that happens every fall, and also happens when

Jake Sparks:

school's out. So what we found is that depending on who you

Jake Sparks:

are, who your child is, and your situation, your mental health

Jake Sparks:

needs, might increase or decrease as the changes come,

Jake Sparks:

your or some specific risks, though, to be aware of

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specifically associated with summertime. So there is a thing

Jake Sparks:

called seasonal affective disorder, which is an increase

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of symptomology that look very similar to depression. Now we're

Jake Sparks:

typically seeing this in the wintertime, as it's cold, the

Jake Sparks:

sunlight is low, people don't get as much vitamin D, and we

Jake Sparks:

see these depressions that can occur. There is evidence of it

Jake Sparks:

happening in summertime as well. And we'll talk a lot more about

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circadian rhythms and schedules and all of that why that might

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be however, we also know that when we are seeing summertime

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seasonal affective disorder, it's probably also related to

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shifts in scheduling, and timing in support and access to

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resources and social engagement. So So here are some of the

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reasons that we know clients, kids, families, even parents

Jake Sparks:

might struggle in the summer. So first one, it's a really big

Jake Sparks:

disruption to your routine. So if you do school, nine months a

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year, then all of a sudden, great, do nothing, just hang

Jake Sparks:

out, you have nowhere to go nowhere to be that sounds

Jake Sparks:

awesome on its on its face. But it's a really big disruption to

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their schedule, that can be really hard to tolerate, we tend

Jake Sparks:

to minimize the disruption and actually the difficulty that

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that is, particularly for our kids and adolescents, especially

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if they have any mental health issues or propensities or

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history of mental health symptoms. Medication often gets

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disrupted. Sometimes ADHD medication or other types of

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medications are prescribed for school year and sometimes

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psychiatrists are medical doctors recommend to come off of

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them. And while we should always listen to what our health care

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provider says, always do ask your pediatrician. Ask your

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psychiatrists, what's best for you, however, know that whatever

Jake Sparks:

that recommendation is, might be a stressor and might be a

Jake Sparks:

healthy stressor. But again, it might be adding to the risk of

Jake Sparks:

mental health issues. Reduce sleep is a big one, which you

Jake Sparks:

would think it's not because they have more time and there's

Jake Sparks:

not school or not getting up but we know Oh, that sleep is really

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closely tied to our mental health. And all of that goes out

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the window, all of the scheduling, that can be really

Jake Sparks:

difficult. A lot of kids struggle with isolation. So

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think of how many kids have friends and have peers at

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school, but maybe they don't quite hang out with people at

Jake Sparks:

home. So when they're not going to school, or how much are they

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seeing and interacting with other people in a face to face

Jake Sparks:

environment, we know that that can decrease throughout the

Jake Sparks:

summer, and actually increased feelings of loneliness and

Jake Sparks:

isolation. So that leads to sometimes more screen time

Jake Sparks:

social media, we're gonna dive into that in a really detailed

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way. But if they're not doing school, that time is being

Jake Sparks:

filled with something else. And then lastly, is, is just what do

Jake Sparks:

they do with themselves? And it's hard for each of us to know

Jake Sparks:

what to do with ourselves. So those are some risk factors that

Jake Sparks:

might increase someone's mental health issues that you need to

Jake Sparks:

be thinking about. Those are all existing, how can you minimize

Jake Sparks:

those risks in your family or with yourself? So we get asked a

Jake Sparks:

lot, well, what are some signs that I might need to know to

Jake Sparks:

know if my child needs extra support, or maybe even therapy.

Jake Sparks:

So please do not say my kids really depressed and really

Jake Sparks:

anxious, but school is almost over, let's just wait till

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school ends, and maybe these problems will go away, they're

Jake Sparks:

probably not going to go away on their own. Now, it is true when

Jake Sparks:

our stress level exceeds our ability to cope, we can

Jake Sparks:

experience mental health issues. So as schools goes down, and it

Jake Sparks:

decreases the stress, maybe that child can now cope better, and

Jake Sparks:

they might become less symptomatic over the summer,

Jake Sparks:

great. Take the wind when you can. However, if nothing, no

Jake Sparks:

growth and development happens, what's going to happen when that

Jake Sparks:

same level of stress gets thrown back in their face in the fall?

Jake Sparks:

Are they going to be better prepared? Probably not. So as a

Jake Sparks:

therapist, I'm always saying the best time to go to therapy is

Jake Sparks:

when you can, when you're already regulated and coping,

Jake Sparks:

when you're in crisis, it's really hard for me to do

Jake Sparks:

effective therapy with you, I have to do a lot of work, you

Jake Sparks:

have to do a lot of work to get out of that crisis. So we can

Jake Sparks:

get back on a path towards long term health and healing. So if

Jake Sparks:

your child or yourself are struggling during the school

Jake Sparks:

year, don't assume summer is going to fix it all. I would

Jake Sparks:

encourage you to take the summer take the relaxation in the break

Jake Sparks:

as a time for self growth and self improvement so that you are

Jake Sparks:

better prepared come fall that you're actually can cope and

Jake Sparks:

tolerate a higher level of stress. I get asked is it a good

Jake Sparks:

idea to change medications we talked on that briefly. It may

Jake Sparks:

or may not be please speak with your medical provider, your

Jake Sparks:

pediatrician, your doctor in and make sure they understand the

Jake Sparks:

the symptomology that's happening, and how that

Jake Sparks:

symptomology changes throughout the summer. Again, there's so

Jake Sparks:

much disruption so much changes that while those sometimes are

Jake Sparks:

welcome disruptions, we can't underestimate how, how difficult

Jake Sparks:

it might be to tolerate for one of our students or our children

Jake Sparks:

or someone in our family, I want to give you some really tangible

Jake Sparks:

things to look out for and to be aware of. So school as it

Jake Sparks:

separates, and now we're into the throes of summer. There's

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three, three main things that I want to suggest we think about

Jake Sparks:

today. So I want to dive into these a little bit more

Jake Sparks:

specifically. So the first one I've mentioned is Sleep, sleep.

Jake Sparks:

Now each human knows that we need a certain amount of sleep.

Jake Sparks:

We all know that. And yet we know that most of us don't get

Jake Sparks:

it. We know that it's the best thing for us. But for whatever

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reason. Like I will do anything to sleep eight hours a night

Jake Sparks:

except for go to bed eight hours before I need to wake up it

Jake Sparks:

should be so easy, but it's not so in the teens are particularly

Jake Sparks:

struggle with this. So the average amount of sleep that

Jake Sparks:

teenagers get is between seven and seven and a half hours of

Jake Sparks:

sleep. That's the average. And we know empirically. teenagers

Jake Sparks:

and adolescents need nine and a quarter hours of sleep each

Jake Sparks:

night. Okay, they're probably not getting that summertime

Jake Sparks:

comes you'd think they'd get it more but the research shows they

Jake Sparks:

actually don't, as a result at most adolescents are chronically

Jake Sparks:

sleep deprived and sleep deprivation can have a

Jake Sparks:

horrendous impact on your own mental health. It impacts your

Jake Sparks:

mood negatively, so moody, irritable, cranky, so you feel a

Jake Sparks:

greater intensity of emotion. And then an ability to regulate

Jake Sparks:

and behave appropriately in social contexts with that

Jake Sparks:

emotion is also decreased. So it's kind of a double whammy we

Jake Sparks:

feel worse and our ability to manage our emotions also

Jake Sparks:

decreased. So then we start to see negative behaviors

Jake Sparks:

disruptive behaviors, We know chronic sleep impacts our

Jake Sparks:

ability to think. So think of how important

Jake Sparks:

cause and effect are to work now to relax later that planning.

Jake Sparks:

All of those things are really diminished. When we're sleep

Jake Sparks:

deprived, we end up thinking, what do I want right now? And I

Jake Sparks:

just want it right now, we don't really think about what's

Jake Sparks:

healthy and good for us in the long term. And then there are

Jake Sparks:

other things as, as our teens and adolescents go out engage in

Jake Sparks:

the world, are they more prone to drowsy driving, or more prone

Jake Sparks:

to make unhealthy decisions with peers and with friends and to be

Jake Sparks:

in places that they may be otherwise wouldn't make. But

Jake Sparks:

again, we're talking about risk factors. So when we're sleep

Jake Sparks:

deprived, we're increasing a risk factor that creates an

Jake Sparks:

environment where mental health issues are more likely to arise.

Jake Sparks:

So be thoughtful and intentional about your sleep or about your

Jake Sparks:

child's sleep. Now, it's totally normal for adolescents to want

Jake Sparks:

to stay up later and sleep in longer. That's actually it's

Jake Sparks:

called the latest phase, sleep preference. And it's

Jake Sparks:

developmentally normal and necessary for teens and

Jake Sparks:

adolescents. If you're a parent, you did that too. Well. So what

Jake Sparks:

is important to remember is that just because they're programmed

Jake Sparks:

to want to stay in bed longer and stay up later, that's might

Jake Sparks:

not always be what's what's best for them. It's really important

Jake Sparks:

to maintain a sleep schedule. Okay. So there's a couple of

Jake Sparks:

ways that you can do this. There's a researcher out of

Jake Sparks:

Stanford University that has a famous podcast, he's done a

Jake Sparks:

great job of disseminating information. His name's Dr.

Jake Sparks:

Andrew Huberman. He is a professor of biology and

Jake Sparks:

ophthalmology. And he's made it his life's mission to talk about

Jake Sparks:

the power of sleep and circadian rhythms, and how they can govern

Jake Sparks:

our lives. So here's a protocol that he recommends, you can go

Jake Sparks:

and learn more. But he talks a lot about the power of light to

Jake Sparks:

reset our circadian rhythm. So what happens is, if a teenager

Jake Sparks:

stays up till 1112, one two in the morning, and then they sleep

Jake Sparks:

in all 1210 1112, one two in the afternoon, what they're actually

Jake Sparks:

doing is they might get more sleep, but their circadian

Jake Sparks:

rhythm is not imbalanced, or biologically, they're not those

Jake Sparks:

rhythms and there's patterns, it's actually quite disruptive,

Jake Sparks:

and is really hard for our bodies to tolerate. There's been

Jake Sparks:

lots of studies on shift workers, a graveyard workers, we

Jake Sparks:

know that that is associated with more stress, obesity,

Jake Sparks:

mental health issues, cognitive impairments, there's a whole

Jake Sparks:

laundry list of symptoms that come from having your circadian

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rhythm thrown out of whack. So please focus on getting sleep.

Jake Sparks:

One thing that you can do, this is not it takes a little bit of

Jake Sparks:

work, but I promise it's worth it. So if you are struggling or

Jake Sparks:

your child is struggling with their circadian rhythm, a couple

Jake Sparks:

of things you can do. So first thing in the morning, it's

Jake Sparks:

imperative that you get some sunlight into your eyes. So if

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you can wake up and go out, don't stare at the sun, please

Jake Sparks:

don't do that. But if you can get some of that morning

Jake Sparks:

sunlight into your eyes, some of the blues, some of the oranges,

Jake Sparks:

some of the the yellows as it comes out the beginning of the

Jake Sparks:

day, what that does, is that sends a signal inside of your

Jake Sparks:

body that 16 hours from now I'm going to need to go to sleep. So

Jake Sparks:

what you do in the morning, will set your body up biologically to

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sleep in 16 hours. Okay, now you can get this double effect if

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you do a similar thing at twilight. So go out spend 1015,

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maybe 30 minutes at sunset, get that Twilight sun into your eyes

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that will send another signal to your body of I need to get ready

Jake Sparks:

for bed in time to start producing melatonin and get

Jake Sparks:

these physiological processes in line. So these are great ways to

Jake Sparks:

make sure your circadian rhythm is on track so that biologically

Jake Sparks:

you are not thrown off by the by the scheduling if you can do

Jake Sparks:

this for two or three days in a row morning sunlight 1015 30

Jake Sparks:

minutes evening twilight sunlight 1015 30 minutes, that

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will have a giant impact on your ability to fall asleep, stay

Jake Sparks:

asleep and wake up in the morning actually feeling

Jake Sparks:

refreshed. Isn't that awesome? A couple other things that you

Jake Sparks:

need to be aware of. If you need to take a nap, I would suggest

Jake Sparks:

take it in the early afternoons, which means your wake up time

Jake Sparks:

probably needs to also be earlier. So if you sleep till 11

Jake Sparks:

You're probably not going to be ready for your 12 o'clock nap.

Jake Sparks:

Right? So be really thoughtful mindful of that. The other thing

Jake Sparks:

we know is the power of law. ate, as I just said, and screens

Jake Sparks:

and noise. So I know a lot of people that fall asleep with the

Jake Sparks:

lights on with the TV on. With the noise blaring, the research

Jake Sparks:

is very clear. While those things might not disrupt your

Jake Sparks:

sleep, you might feel like I got a full night's sleep, I didn't

Jake Sparks:

wake up at all the TV was on all night, what we know is that

Jake Sparks:

sleep is much less powerful and effective for you. So sleep with

Jake Sparks:

the lights on is not good. Sleep with the sound on is not good.

Jake Sparks:

So I would encourage you to not do it, try to not be the the

Jake Sparks:

person that falls asleep at 2am with the TV on you're not going

Jake Sparks:

to get good restful sleep, you're not going to wake up

Jake Sparks:

feeling good. And it's going to just perpetuate the same

Jake Sparks:

dysfunctional cycle. Avoid caffeine, smoking, drugs,

Jake Sparks:

alcohol, particularly in the evening, all of those things

Jake Sparks:

keep you awake. And then if you have any specific sleep,

Jake Sparks:

diagnoses, apnea, insomnia, these skill, these tips and

Jake Sparks:

tricks probably aren't going to cure those things. But again,

Jake Sparks:

it's about minimizing your risk. So if you can be thoughtful, and

Jake Sparks:

I'll speak directly to any adolescents out there, this is

Jake Sparks:

not the funnest thing you'll ever do. However, part of your

Jake Sparks:

growth and journey from being a child to a human is figuring out

Jake Sparks:

how to take care of yourself. So these are some really clear ways

Jake Sparks:

you can manage your sleep to where you can feel rested, and

Jake Sparks:

ready to go the next day. Okay, so summer, think about sleep,

Jake Sparks:

super important for your mental health. The second issue that

Jake Sparks:

comes up all the time, is screens, now, screens, TV

Jake Sparks:

screens, cell phone, social media, all of that this is not

Jake Sparks:

going to be an exhaustive review of what you can and should not

Jake Sparks:

do all those things, we could do a whole episode just about that.

Jake Sparks:

But wanted to give you some nuggets. Now. It's really easy

Jake Sparks:

to demonize electron technology, electronics, that is not what

Jake Sparks:

this is about. I, I'm a full believer that screens are here

Jake Sparks:

to stay. And it's important for us to teach ourselves and our

Jake Sparks:

families, our teens, specifically how to use these

Jake Sparks:

tools and resources in a way that's valuable for them. We can

Jake Sparks:

go back into the years 17 1800s Where at the time, parents were

Jake Sparks:

really concerned about their children reading books, and then

Jake Sparks:

like the kids are reading too many books that's gonna rot

Jake Sparks:

their brains, which sounds crazy to us today. Well, that'd be

Jake Sparks:

awesome. If our kids read more books, we would love that. But

Jake Sparks:

basically, every generation has been fearful of all this new

Jake Sparks:

technology is gonna break society. That's not what I'm

Jake Sparks:

saying screens are good, the connections are good. There's

Jake Sparks:

lots of good, valuable tools, and they're here to stay. Our

Jake Sparks:

job is to how do we figure out how to use those to our

Jake Sparks:

advantage. And again, mitigate the risks that they will have to

Jake Sparks:

our own mental health. And the risks are many. So here's a

Jake Sparks:

couple of details for you think about if this applies to you, or

Jake Sparks:

to your child. Cool. The average team spends eight hours and 40

Jake Sparks:

minutes looking at screens each day, not including schoolwork.

Jake Sparks:

So they go to school, they do their thing. And then the rest

Jake Sparks:

of their free time, eight hours and 40 minutes of that free time

Jake Sparks:

is spent with their face in a screen. So that's about half of

Jake Sparks:

their waking hours. Okay, now before you feel like I'm bashing

Jake Sparks:

teens, okay, kids these days with their phones, adults aren't

Jake Sparks:

much better. Okay, so let's be honest about ourselves, none of

Jake Sparks:

us are good. And as a society, we're not good. And it's really

Jake Sparks:

difficult for parents who are also not good at managing this

Jake Sparks:

to teach their, their their children. But this is something

Jake Sparks:

we need to be aware of. So eight hours, 40 minutes is what the

Jake Sparks:

average teen is spending on their phones. On the screen

Jake Sparks:

outside of schoolwork. There is some difference about what

Jake Sparks:

people are doing teenagers spend more than three hours a day of

Jake Sparks:

that time watching TV or videos. We know that there's some

Jake Sparks:

relationship between is that like YouTube, Netflix, or is it

Jake Sparks:

social media, those are treated a little bit differently.

Jake Sparks:

One thing that the research is very clear that kids aren't

Jake Sparks:

doing on their phones is reading. Most of us are not

Jake Sparks:

struggling with our addiction to the Kindle app, you might have a

Jake Sparks:

great book that you know and love. But most That's not the

Jake Sparks:

thing that hugs most of us. So here's some data from common

Jake Sparks:

sense. Media puts out a report almost annually about the state

Jake Sparks:

of media and adolescents and consumption. So here's some

Jake Sparks:

stats. So only 34% of teens say that they enjoy social media a

Jake Sparks:

lot. So two thirds of teens are like yeah, I don't love it. It's

Jake Sparks:

fine. It's okay. However 95% say they use it daily. And more than

Jake Sparks:

a third say they use social media almost constantly. So I

Jake Sparks:

see this a lot. times in my practice where I'll have clients

Jake Sparks:

come in and they'll say, I'm on my phone, I don't like love

Jake Sparks:

Snapchat, tick tock is not my favorite thing in the world, I

Jake Sparks:

don't need to be on Instagram. But there is a sense of

Jake Sparks:

impeding, there's this fear of missing out, of course, but it's

Jake Sparks:

also where they connect with people. And there's a sense of,

Jake Sparks:

I'm worried someone's gonna send me a message, and I'm not going

Jake Sparks:

to be there, I don't want to let anyone down. And there's this

Jake Sparks:

all the social pressure to just exist. And in my head, I've

Jake Sparks:

always thought about if I, you know, I have a job, I would not

Jake Sparks:

say, email is a hobby of mine. I don't really enjoy checking

Jake Sparks:

email. But I do it a lot. And even on the weekends, when I

Jake Sparks:

like, I'm not working this weekend, I'll check my email.

Jake Sparks:

And if other people are emailing me, and work still happening,

Jake Sparks:

you know, I'm gonna jump in and do email. Now think about if you

Jake Sparks:

had a different email accounts all on their own app, and

Jake Sparks:

different people contacted you in different emails that you all

Jake Sparks:

had to check. So there's this pressure with social media that

Jake Sparks:

most the vast majority of teens say I actually don't love it.

Jake Sparks:

But I feel like I have to participate in it. So social

Jake Sparks:

media in that sense, is, is a is a is a risk factor. Because

Jake Sparks:

there's one more obligation one more thing to do on actually

Jake Sparks:

relieving or helping us to escape, it's, we're just feel

Jake Sparks:

like we're caught up. Now, there's some great things about

Jake Sparks:

it is that it can help us to connect. And we do know,

Jake Sparks:

especially from populations that have been marginalized, it's a

Jake Sparks:

great way to find a community that's accepting and

Jake Sparks:

accommodating, and one that you can feel belonging to. So it's

Jake Sparks:

not all bad. Most of it, I would say is actually really good.

Jake Sparks:

However, you need to be intentional about protecting

Jake Sparks:

yourself from the risk factors. So adolescents, so here this

Jake Sparks:

adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social

Jake Sparks:

media face double the risk of poor mental health system

Jake Sparks:

symptoms. So if you spend more than three hours a day on social

Jake Sparks:

media alone, that doesn't include Netflix or all that this

Jake Sparks:

is just social media, you're twice as likely to be anxious,

Jake Sparks:

depressed, or have other mental health issues. Now, here's the

Jake Sparks:

kicker, how much are people typically spending on social

Jake Sparks:

media? The average client average teen is spending over

Jake Sparks:

three and a half hours a day. Okay, so that's, that's the

Jake Sparks:

data. So over three hours, you're doubling your risk. And

Jake Sparks:

most of all, most of us, adults, too, are more than double cam.

Jake Sparks:

So as a society, you can imagine how that spells out, we do know

Jake Sparks:

that greater social media use predicts poor sleep, which you

Jake Sparks:

already talked about. It predicts online harassment, poor

Jake Sparks:

body, poor body image, low self esteem, and higher depressive

Jake Sparks:

symptoms. So we can see how much social media someone uses. And

Jake Sparks:

we can predict how likely they are to have symptoms in those

Jake Sparks:

area. And this is this bad news, I sorry to have to say this,

Jake Sparks:

this is particularly true for young women compared to young

Jake Sparks:

men. And we'll won't get in. There's lots of reasons probably

Jake Sparks:

why for that, but that's just what you need to be aware of

Jake Sparks:

social media is going to have a bigger impact the data says on

Jake Sparks:

young women than it will on young men, young women who

Jake Sparks:

struggle, who are struggling socially offline are three to

Jake Sparks:

four times as likely as others to report daily negative social

Jake Sparks:

experiences online. So let me say that, again, if you're

Jake Sparks:

struggling with mental health issues, in your everyday life,

Jake Sparks:

you are more likely three to four times more likely to

Jake Sparks:

experience negative content that will impact your mental health

Jake Sparks:

in a negative way. So it's almost the way these algorithms

Jake Sparks:

work. If you are mentally distressed, anxiety, depression,

Jake Sparks:

other symptoms and you hop online, it is literally more

Jake Sparks:

dangerous for you than for the person who's not distressed.

Jake Sparks:

Okay, we know those with moderate or severe depressive

Jake Sparks:

symptoms. roughly seven and 10, who use Instagram and Tiktok say

Jake Sparks:

they come across problematic suicide related content, at

Jake Sparks:

least monthly on these platforms. So among those who

Jake Sparks:

are most distressed are the ones that are most likely to see the

Jake Sparks:

distressing content. Okay. So that's why again, I would

Jake Sparks:

encourage us to have this risk factor, how do we protect the

Jake Sparks:

number one way we can protect is to limit and decrease our

Jake Sparks:

exposure. I'm not saying throw your phones on the toilet and

Jake Sparks:

never look at it again. I know that's not realistic. But can

Jake Sparks:

you understand where you are mentally, emotionally understand

Jake Sparks:

developmentally where your child is, and provide an environment

Jake Sparks:

that is most attuned and developmentally appropriate for

Jake Sparks:

them in their current state, okay. That's what parent

Jake Sparks:

caregivers have to do. So you have to be able to say, here's

Jake Sparks:

my child, if they're having mental health issues, that

Jake Sparks:

probably means you need to decrease their exposure to these

Jake Sparks:

really detrimental impacts, probably can't minimize it, you

Jake Sparks:

can't do can't forget about it. But if you can go from three and

Jake Sparks:

a half hours a day to one hour a day, that would be we know, if

Jake Sparks:

you can do less than one hour, your outcomes are so much

Jake Sparks:

better. Now, with social media, it's really hard because no one

Jake Sparks:

just says, oh, it's one o'clock time for my social media hour,

Jake Sparks:

here I go. It's something you do in little bite sized chunks all

Jake Sparks:

throughout the day, I'm on Instagram for two minutes, and I

Jake Sparks:

pop over to this and I meet dinner that I do this. And it's

Jake Sparks:

just all over. So it's really difficult. So here's some things

Jake Sparks:

that caregivers can do, you can create, what I would say is a

Jake Sparks:

family media plan family technology plan. And this is not

Jake Sparks:

something that you can just say, kids, you have to do this, but

Jake Sparks:

parents don't, you all should do it together. Okay, because, as

Jake Sparks:

we've said, parents, adults aren't any better at the social

Jake Sparks:

media thing than kids. So I would actually suggest call me

Jake Sparks:

old fashioned that you do, you have a structured set of point

Jake Sparks:

time where you were going to do all your social media being in

Jake Sparks:

one setting in one place, and you have some supports nearby

Jake Sparks:

and around. And you say our app from two to three is that's when

Jake Sparks:

I'm going to check all my social media stuff, tell hide, have

Jake Sparks:

everyone do what I need to do. And that way, if I come across

Jake Sparks:

something, or I need support, I can go talk to my mom or my dad

Jake Sparks:

or get help in whatever way I need to. So create a social

Jake Sparks:

media plan that everyone follows. I highly suggest you

Jake Sparks:

create spaces in your house that are technology free, and that

Jake Sparks:

you dedicate a time to be unreachable. Okay, so the

Jake Sparks:

research is very clear. If you can have an hour a day without

Jake Sparks:

your phone, where no one can call you. No one can texture,

Jake Sparks:

there's nothing that's going to buzz, your mental health

Jake Sparks:

dramatically improves. So maybe this is go for a jog. Do you do

Jake Sparks:

yoga, leave your phone at home, when you go and check them out.

Jake Sparks:

I don't whatever, do look for opportunities to be away from

Jake Sparks:

your technology, model responsible social media

Jake Sparks:

behavior. So this is one thing that I have found. I as as a

Jake Sparks:

clinician, I've worked with a lot of victims of bullying,

Jake Sparks:

whether in person, or virtual, social media bullying, a lot

Jake Sparks:

that's happened, it's rampid, you're going to come across too,

Jake Sparks:

and it's going to be destructive. So first limit your

Jake Sparks:

access. But the thing I've never come across is a client that has

Jake Sparks:

come in and says I am a bully. I am a virtual bully, I bully

Jake Sparks:

people on social media. I haven't ever really seen that

Jake Sparks:

person come into my office. And the reason why is that the vast

Jake Sparks:

majority of those bullies don't perceive themselves as bullies.

Jake Sparks:

Oftentimes they perceive themselves as victims. And when

Jake Sparks:

we feel as we are victims or we are hurt, we will reach out and

Jake Sparks:

try to find some power, try to find some influence and hurt

Jake Sparks:

other people. So the message is just like in the real world, but

Jake Sparks:

for online, virtually it's expanded tenfold. There's hurt

Jake Sparks:

people out there. And they do not great healthy things

Jake Sparks:

sometimes and we are the same. That's a natural human reaction.

Jake Sparks:

So model responsible social media behavior. And don't

Jake Sparks:

participate, block limit, get out of those toxic environments,

Jake Sparks:

virtually.

Jake Sparks:

And then lastly, this is really hard to do, but would be really

Jake Sparks:

great work. This is what parents can do work with other parents

Jake Sparks:

to create shared norms. So there's so much social pressure.

Jake Sparks:

And when the data is very clear, teens do not want the social

Jake Sparks:

pressure. They don't want to be there. They don't want to have

Jake Sparks:

to have all the stuff to manage. Now they do like the videos and

Jake Sparks:

they want to have the privileges and of course they want to have

Jake Sparks:

the freedom. But the actual experience of it is really

Jake Sparks:

distressing and difficult. So work with other parents to

Jake Sparks:

create shared norms about what's appropriate for your, your

Jake Sparks:

group, your child's group of friends, what are they doing,

Jake Sparks:

the more we can be utilizing social supports and positive,

Jake Sparks:

uplifting ways, the better we can be. It's often said that we

Jake Sparks:

become who our peers are. And that's probably there's some

Jake Sparks:

truth to that how our children's friends how they project into

Jake Sparks:

the world, how they show up their mental and emotional

Jake Sparks:

health, how vulnerable they are with their parents, all of those

Jake Sparks:

things come out in friendships. So it's all really interrelated.

Jake Sparks:

Here's my last tip. We talked about tech free zones. I highly

Jake Sparks:

encourage you to leave your phone outside of your bedroom,

Jake Sparks:

everyone in your family. If you're asking your teams to do

Jake Sparks:

it, you got to do it too. So the research is also really clear

Jake Sparks:

having your phone in your bedroom negatively impacts your

Jake Sparks:

sleep. Now someone out there is gonna say, but Jake, I don't

Jake Sparks:

even look at my phone, I plugged in my nightstand, I sleep all

Jake Sparks:

night, I don't look at it till morning, I believe you and

Jake Sparks:

you're wrong, it impacts your sleep negatively. And what we

Jake Sparks:

have found through the research is that just having the phone in

Jake Sparks:

the room, it causes you to exert psychological energy to not look

Jake Sparks:

at it. So even though you're resting, and you're not looking

Jake Sparks:

at it, it's causing, in order to do that it takes energy. So you

Jake Sparks:

don't actually sleep very well. So that's why we have to set up

Jake Sparks:

in our spaces, places where it's like, you don't have to use any

Jake Sparks:

energy, you're not going to use your phone, you couldn't use it

Jake Sparks:

if you even wanted to have to go walk downstairs and into the

Jake Sparks:

kitchen and unplug it. So there's some relief that comes

Jake Sparks:

from that now if I go up to an adolescent and or probably

Jake Sparks:

anyone and actually and I say, Hey, give me your phone for 60

Jake Sparks:

minutes, or give me your phone for the night. That is not a

Jake Sparks:

comforting, we want it by us, we have it with us all of the time.

Jake Sparks:

I am suggesting we don't let yourself relax and to know

Jake Sparks:

nothing's going to ring or Buzz and that you have to exert no

Jake Sparks:

energy into not looking at it. Okay, here's what adolescents

Jake Sparks:

can do in regards to their own social media. Oh, and I do want

Jake Sparks:

to say, this comes up all the time for parents is they'll say

Jake Sparks:

my, my child is using her phone inappropriately. And what are we

Jake Sparks:

going to do? And how do I make her follow the rules? And she's

Jake Sparks:

going to have these boundaries? And always what I say is, would

Jake Sparks:

you give your eight year old child the keys to the car? And

Jake Sparks:

they say, Well, no, of course I wouldn't. And I say well, but

Jake Sparks:

you gave her the phone, you gave it to her you bought it, you

Jake Sparks:

paid for it, you pay them phone bill, you see her you more than

Jake Sparks:

likely than not you gave her the phone. And if she is misbehaving

Jake Sparks:

or not handling it appropriately, what that means

Jake Sparks:

is she's not developmentally ready for the thing you gave

Jake Sparks:

her, we wouldn't give an eight year old the keys to the car,

Jake Sparks:

because it's they're not developmentally ready to drive.

Jake Sparks:

And if we did, and that eight year old crashes the car that's

Jake Sparks:

not on the eight year old that's on the parent for expecting this

Jake Sparks:

child to do something they're not developmentally ready to do.

Jake Sparks:

So if misuse comes up now misuse can be defined how your family's

Jake Sparks:

planned determines that but maybe they accessing dangerous

Jake Sparks:

or inappropriate content or being mean or rude and bullying

Jake Sparks:

other people online or using it appropriately. But just 24/7

Jake Sparks:

don't know how to turn it off. All of those things, I invite

Jake Sparks:

you as caregivers to see those as your problem. And your your

Jake Sparks:

child is asking the saying, I'm not managing this, I need your

Jake Sparks:

help to manage it for me. That doesn't mean take it away

Jake Sparks:

doesn't mean throw the phone in the toilet, you can never see it

Jake Sparks:

again. I'm not saying be pejorative and punitive and

Jake Sparks:

punish them. I'm not saying that I am saying they need help and

Jake Sparks:

support and they're looking to you for that help and support.

Jake Sparks:

They might not want the help and support. But that's what they

Jake Sparks:

are saying they need. So you're never allowed to blame your

Jake Sparks:

child for their myth, electronic misuse. And that's on us as

Jake Sparks:

caregivers to assess what developmentally they're ready

Jake Sparks:

for. And we're going to get it wrong. And that's why we have to

Jake Sparks:

correct okay, here's what adolescents can do. So

Jake Sparks:

adolescents out there, listen up. This is really glamorous

Jake Sparks:

stuff to talk about. I know. But part of being an adult is having

Jake Sparks:

to figure out how to do the right thing and manage us now I

Jake Sparks:

will also say, teens, if you want control and manage to

Jake Sparks:

manage this, then do it. Right. If you don't want your parents

Jake Sparks:

policing it for you, it's your on you to show them they don't

Jake Sparks:

need to police manage this. Okay? So number one thing teens

Jake Sparks:

can do is they can ask for help. We actually know depending on

Jake Sparks:

how your family communication, we know that when teens

Jake Sparks:

adolescents feel like I can go to mom and dad and show show

Jake Sparks:

them the negative interaction I'm having show them the

Jake Sparks:

problem. They actually feel so much better about their social

Jake Sparks:

media use parent, both parents and the student and the client

Jake Sparks:

and the child. So ask for help create boundaries and separation

Jake Sparks:

between online and offline activities. So I suggest no

Jake Sparks:

screens for 60 minutes before bed. I suggest strongly no

Jake Sparks:

screens and bedrooms. And no screens at mealtimes are other

Jake Sparks:

times of connection. So have some time each day where you're

Jake Sparks:

just going to take a screen fast. And I'm not doing screens

Jake Sparks:

right now. You need it. Okay. It is a fun thing, but it's a

Jake Sparks:

pressure and a weight that you can't carry 24/7 You will become

Jake Sparks:

exhausted, set it down separate every day, some time to just

Jake Sparks:

know I'm unreachable. Develop proactive strategy. So there's

Jake Sparks:

tons of apps apps that can track your time track what your

Jake Sparks:

activity that can say you spent this amount of time on social

Jake Sparks:

media this amount of time on YouTube this amount of time. So

Jake Sparks:

they can tell you that be thoughtful about a plan. So

Jake Sparks:

don't just use your phone and be like, I guess I use what I use,

Jake Sparks:

identify for yourself based where I'm at today, my mental

Jake Sparks:

health, emotional health, my time, responsibilities,

Jake Sparks:

everything. How much time can I devote towards tick tock,

Jake Sparks:

actually, my life right now I get 30 minutes a day. And if I'm

Jake Sparks:

spending more than that, it means I'm wasting time and I'm

Jake Sparks:

not doing other things. Great. So be intentional. And make a

Jake Sparks:

plan, and then track it and see and you can adjust. This plan

Jake Sparks:

will change depending on developmentally, mentally,

Jake Sparks:

emotionally, how your stress levels, this plan will need to

Jake Sparks:

change and fluctuate. But again, I will say the more mentally

Jake Sparks:

distressed you are more anxiety and depression symptoms, the

Jake Sparks:

more dangerous social media is for you. And sorry, that's the

Jake Sparks:

way it is. But that's what the data bears out pretty clearly be

Jake Sparks:

nice to each other. Don't be the bully. Be careful about what you

Jake Sparks:

share, and look for opportunities to connect with

Jake Sparks:

communities that fill and uplift you and guide you in the

Jake Sparks:

direction that human you want to be. Okay, so that's a lot of

Jake Sparks:

data and information on screens, I want to share one of my one of

Jake Sparks:

my favorite studies that talked about sleep. The implications

Jake Sparks:

for both sleep and screens is they asked participants to

Jake Sparks:

memorize a series of numbers, like digit numbers, and some had

Jake Sparks:

two digits. So like 2345, and some had five, six, or seven or

Jake Sparks:

eight digit number came to varying degrees. And they had a

Jake Sparks:

big long hall. So they told them the number, the number, the end

Jake Sparks:

of the hall, he said, walk to the other end of the hall and

Jake Sparks:

see if you can remember the number. So participants didn't

Jake Sparks:

they walk all the way to the end. And they tell the

Jake Sparks:

researcher at the end of the hall, their number and some

Jake Sparks:

remembered it and some didn't. That's fine. And the researcher

Jake Sparks:

said, okay, great, thank you. Give me a few minutes to

Jake Sparks:

tabulate your scores, have a seat and weigh in while you're

Jake Sparks:

waiting, feel free to grab a snack. And next to the

Jake Sparks:

researcher was a table and the table had some fruit, a couple

Jake Sparks:

of some sort of fruit cups that they could grab, and also had a

Jake Sparks:

plate of brownies, or might have been cake. I don't remember his

Jake Sparks:

cake or brownies. So he said, grab a snack can sit down. And

Jake Sparks:

then the real study was to see did people choose the fruit? Or

Jake Sparks:

did they choose the cake. And what the study fascinatingly

Jake Sparks:

showed is those individuals that had to memorize a longer number,

Jake Sparks:

were significantly more likely to choose the cake. So the

Jake Sparks:

implication of this is they had to use the internal resources,

Jake Sparks:

some energy, some psychological energy to memorize that numbers

Jake Sparks:

such that their ability to regulate and to manage to think

Jake Sparks:

ahead was decreased. So most people, when they get to a

Jake Sparks:

plate, say I know I can't live a life where I just eat every

Jake Sparks:

single cake I see. Let me have the banana. That's what they

Jake Sparks:

found is the norm typically. But those who had to memorize a

Jake Sparks:

longer number actually did not have the same ability to say no

Jake Sparks:

to the obviously more delicious cake.

Jake Sparks:

And so they just jumped in. So this is where your sleep and

Jake Sparks:

your social media exist. If you are not sleeping well your

Jake Sparks:

ability to track and to manage and to be intentional and

Jake Sparks:

thoughtful about your use is going to significantly decrease.

Jake Sparks:

And the worst part is, is once that decreases, and once you're

Jake Sparks:

on this path doing more high risk activities, you have to

Jake Sparks:

actually exert more energy and you become more tired. And that

Jake Sparks:

is a lot of ways of how these mental health issues really

Jake Sparks:

cultivate in these petri dishes of I'm overtired, I'm under

Jake Sparks:

resourced. I have more threats and access to dangerous

Jake Sparks:

material. And so then I get more tired and more anxious. And then

Jake Sparks:

I get more access to this dangerous material. Does that

Jake Sparks:

make sense? So it just kind of over goes over and over again.

Jake Sparks:

So watch out for that. Okay, so we've covered summer, we've

Jake Sparks:

covered sleep. In the summer, we've covered social media use

Jake Sparks:

in the summer. The last one we're going to talk about today,

Jake Sparks:

and it's the one everyone feels and everyone forgets about. And

Jake Sparks:

that is boredom. Okay, so this is tough. So, parents, if you're

Jake Sparks:

listening, you can go ahead and say it now. I've got myself I

Jake Sparks:

have four kids under the age of seven. I haven't been bored in

Jake Sparks:

eight years. I would love a weekend to just be bored. Oh

Jake Sparks:

man, how lucky would it be to just sit back and be bored? What

Jake Sparks:

we underestimate is actually how difficult and psychologically

Jake Sparks:

taxing being bored is how negative of an experience being

Jake Sparks:

bored actually is one other study done in 2016 They had

Jake Sparks:

three groups of people come into this room and they played them

Jake Sparks:

video clips. So one group got a sad video, another group got

Jake Sparks:

what was called a monotonous video. And then one group got

Jake Sparks:

just a generic kind of neutral, wasn't too sad, wasn't too

Jake Sparks:

happy, wasn't too boring, just another video. So as he watched

Jake Sparks:

these three groups, each participant was hooked up to a

Jake Sparks:

way to give them give themselves an electronic shock. So you

Jake Sparks:

watch the video, you're hooked up to these electrodes, you can

Jake Sparks:

push a button and shock yourself. So this is one to see

Jake Sparks:

what would people do. And turns out those who were in the sad

Jake Sparks:

video group, and those who were in the neutral video group,

Jake Sparks:

didn't have that much interest in shocking themselves. Like, I

Jake Sparks:

don't need to do that. Those who are in the monotonous video

Jake Sparks:

group had a dramatic increase in their shocks and in the

Jake Sparks:

intensity of the shocks. So the implication of this is shocking

Jake Sparks:

yourself literally is superior to being bored. Right? That's I

Jake Sparks:

being bored is the worst thing, I will cause physical pain on

Jake Sparks:

myself, if that keeps me from having to be bored. And they

Jake Sparks:

also tied this to those who had struggled with non suicidal self

Jake Sparks:

injury in the past. And they found the client, the

Jake Sparks:

participants in the sad group and in the neutral group, even

Jake Sparks:

if they struggled with self harm, or that in the past wasn't

Jake Sparks:

an issue, but in the monotony group that was. So that suggests

Jake Sparks:

that sometimes, it's really not about trying to cope with the

Jake Sparks:

emotion other than the emotion of boredom. Now, no one ever

Jake Sparks:

tells you that you need to be ready, you need to be better at

Jake Sparks:

being bored. That's, we just assume if you're bored, that's a

Jake Sparks:

luxury. And adults are really good at just being really

Jake Sparks:

pejorative and blaming kids and being bored. And we do something

Jake Sparks:

that effective get a job. But we need to understand how

Jake Sparks:

disruptive it is. Okay. So in order to understand this, we do

Jake Sparks:

need to understand just a little bit of brain science. So don't

Jake Sparks:

check out stay with me, I promise. We're understanding

Jake Sparks:

much more now about the dopamine system. Okay, how Dopamine is a

Jake Sparks:

chemical in your brain, and it feels good. It's a little more

Jake Sparks:

complicated than that. But it helps you feel good. And it

Jake Sparks:

helps you feel so good, that it also helps drive your behavior.

Jake Sparks:

So dopamine comes not after you've done something, but it

Jake Sparks:

comes to get you to do something. So what happens is,

Jake Sparks:

when the dopamine, it's tied to pleasure, but it also has this

Jake Sparks:

pain component. So we do something that we like, I eat a

Jake Sparks:

cake, I watch your favorite video, I do something fun, I get

Jake Sparks:

this rush of dopamine, I spike, I feel awesome. But what happens

Jake Sparks:

is what goes up, must come down. So then our dopamine crashes,

Jake Sparks:

and it doesn't crash back down to normal, it goes below normal.

Jake Sparks:

So that's the pain. So any time you have this dopamine rush, you

Jake Sparks:

get this pain. Now what we are used to doing is I feel this

Jake Sparks:

dopamine rush, and then I started to come down. I'm like,

Jake Sparks:

Oh, I don't want to come down. Let me just get another hit of

Jake Sparks:

dopamine. And the electronics, the our phone screens did people

Jake Sparks:

like What's this new video, a tick tock, you can watch 800

Jake Sparks:

different videos on all different topics, and it's

Jake Sparks:

constant stimulus coming at you, you never know what the next

Jake Sparks:

video is going to be about. I can skip it immediately. If I

Jake Sparks:

don't like it, it just has constant hit of dopamine. And I

Jake Sparks:

have found myself watching a movie and the second it gets a

Jake Sparks:

little bit boring, I'm reaching for my phone, like, Ah, I want

Jake Sparks:

to go kind of just scroll through and check because I just

Jake Sparks:

suddenly gradually feel this, I'm not feeling this dopamine,

Jake Sparks:

so I comes down and then I gotta do something. So being bored, is

Jake Sparks:

can be really dangerous, because they actually can be really

Jake Sparks:

painful. Okay, so what happens is when our dopamine goes up, we

Jake Sparks:

crash. And it's kind of like buying something with a credit

Jake Sparks:

card. Right? I want it now. So I'm gonna buy it now. And I'm

Jake Sparks:

going to pay interest on I'm going to actually end up paying

Jake Sparks:

more but I comes at the benefit of I get it immediately, what I

Jake Sparks:

would suggest we do is flip this and you can use it to your

Jake Sparks:

advantage. So dopamine, the pain and pleasure system are related.

Jake Sparks:

So if you can actually do the painful thing first, you can get

Jake Sparks:

all the benefits of dopamine without any of any of the crash.

Jake Sparks:

So it's not buying on credit. It's saving up and paying full

Jake Sparks:

price for an out of pocket. So you don't have to stress about

Jake Sparks:

the the extra money. So an example of this would be I've

Jake Sparks:

been this person but let's say I have a client I'm working with

Jake Sparks:

and they're really stressed about upcoming assignment. They

Jake Sparks:

have a big end of semester project. And so they

Jake Sparks:

procrastinate it and they put it off, and they're really anxious

Jake Sparks:

and as they're sitting there watching Netflix, they're not

Jake Sparks:

actually enjoying that time because the back of their mind

Jake Sparks:

there's this energy going. There's a psychological energy

Jake Sparks:

that's always trying to combat This, this pressure of I got to

Jake Sparks:

do this project God do this project. But they don't can't

Jake Sparks:

really let themselves sink into the actual doing of the project

Jake Sparks:

because that would make their dopamine crash and that doesn't

Jake Sparks:

feel good. So they just keep trying to distract trying to

Jake Sparks:

avoid themselves trying to keep their mind busy, maybe you've

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known people that like, I always gotta have the TV on. I don't,

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if I'm in my house, I gotta have noise. Or I've known people that

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have the earbuds in their ears 24/7, like, if I don't not

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listening to something, I'm just sitting listening to my own

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thoughts, and I can't tolerate that, I need to have constant

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stimulation. So what we find is that person is not actually

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relaxing, they're actually becoming more and more

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distressed. So they need more and more dopamine. If you flip

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it and make it work for you, if you were to do the project, you

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would, it would be difficult. But afterwards, you would have

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this rush of relief, and the dopamine and feel good. And then

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when you went and watched your show, it would feel awesome, it

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actually would be a healthy restorative experience, because

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you've paid the price up front. An example of this. So we often

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see people who have a history of struggling with addiction,

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alcoholism or drugs, as part of their recovery. They become

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triathletes, or endurance runners or marathon runners. And

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that's the exact same principle. If I go for a run, it's painful

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at first and do I really love to run? No, but I get myself out

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there, I get going. And then after I'm like, I feel great.

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This is awesome. I did it. And then I have this, I've already

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paid the price. There's no dip, it's just this dopamine

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increase. And then a really slow, gradual taper over time.

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This is why we've seen an increase, people talk about

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polar plunges, if you know someone that does a polar

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plunge, they've probably already told you about 100 times. And

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that's really what it's all about, is this painful to get

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into that bucket. But we know dopamine shoots up somewhere

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between 200 to 300% of normal, huge dopamine increase, and then

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a nice gradual decrease over time, and there's no crash, they

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can last four or five hours. So the principle is when you are

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bored, don't buy on credit, pay cash upfront and do the hard

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thing. Whatever that is, do something difficult up front

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that maybe you don't want to do, maybe it's do laundry, maybe

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it's clean your room, maybe it's exercise for 10 minutes, you

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don't it doesn't matter. But if you can do that upfront actually

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will help you to settle in to rest and relaxation. Long term.

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Being able to manage boredom is a skill that you need to

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practice. Absolutely. And no one ever tells you that that's why

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you have me I'm here to tell you practice being bored.

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Here's some suggestions that I have for for those who are

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struggling with this. So summer comes, you have this hole of six

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to eight hours of your day that you need to fill, what I suggest

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you do is to rather than giving yourself all this extra free

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time, schedule out your day, so Monday through Friday, from 9am

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to 3pm, whatever mirrors how school was schedule it out. So

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you have something at 9am that means I have to wake up, I have

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to shower, I have to get ready. And by 9am, you don't have to

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get up at 630 like you used to have to a school, you can span

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that out a little bit, take it easy, but at 9am There's some

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wear or something that you have to be doing. Okay, but you can

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just have free time, all day every day. Now, what the great

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part about this is you don't have to schedule algebra and

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calculus or history at 9am schedule something fun,

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scheduled, I'm going to go for a walk, or I'm going to play a

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musical instrument or I'm going to do whatever you would

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normally enjoy doing. I'm going to call a friend, we're going to

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go on a hike we're gonna go to the mall, I don't know what the

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activity doesn't really matter. What matters is that you

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schedule out a block of time that mirrors about the amount of

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time that you would spend spend in school, that is a really

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great way to minimize the risk of the school disruption it

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gives you structure gives you schedule, it gives you an

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ability to sleep, it prevents you from having to just fill

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your time with screens all day. And you can schedule in really

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fun, enjoyable things do what you want to do. Then at three

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o'clock when you're normally done with school, that's your

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free time. You do what you would normally do in the afternoons

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and and evenings. What I suggest is for teens and parents work

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together and think about how do you be thoughtful and

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intentional. assess where am I at with my own mental health. If

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your mental health is struggling, you're going to need

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more structure, more security, a little tighter container and

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your parents are going to have to help you with that. That's

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what you need. That's not The bad thing it's not because

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you're punished or bad. No, that's what you need. Parents be

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able to provide it. As they're demonstrating that they're using

Jake Sparks:

these things effectively, they're scheduling their days

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you can be only manage what they say that what they're not

Jake Sparks:

managing, give as much freedom and opportunity as you can. But

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if we can apply some of these principles, focus on our sleep,

Jake Sparks:

focus on our screen time being thoughtful, intentional, making

Jake Sparks:

a plan sticking to it, and be intentional about how we deal

Jake Sparks:

with the boredom that's gonna come up. Those are three really

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great way is to help you to have an awesome, fulfilling and

Jake Sparks:

enjoyable summer and it will actually help you be more

Jake Sparks:

prepared for the fall, because you'll be coming into the fall

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school year, mentally, emotionally healthy, recuperate,

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it rested, patterns in line, your circadian rhythms not

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thrown through the wall, you will be ready and able to set

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yourself up for help and opportunity. Long term. If you

Jake Sparks:

find yourself struggling, maybe you're isolated, maybe there's

Jake Sparks:

these issues coming up. Summer is a great time to receive

Jake Sparks:

mental health services, if that's what you need, even if

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it's not when you're at your highest crisis. Okay, the time

Jake Sparks:

for therapy is really when you're able to cope and really

Jake Sparks:

dig in and do the work therapy is kind of tough. So when you're

Jake Sparks:

in crisis, we can't do much other than manage a crisis. But

Jake Sparks:

when you're not in crisis, we can actually do a lot of work

Jake Sparks:

and again, pay the price upfront, do maybe the not so fun

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thing, so that you can have a long term rest and healing and

Jake Sparks:

relaxation. Those are our tips. If you have comments, questions,

Jake Sparks:

please reach out to us. But again, I'm Jake sparks Bart

Jake Sparks:

treatment director. This has been Roadmap to Joy. Everything

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you need to know about how to help you and your family, have

Jake Sparks:

the best summer and be mentally and emotionally healthy. Thank